2023

October ADHD Awareness Month – ADHD and Women

Image is of Leslie speaking at the ADHD and women event.  Leslie is seated at a conference table and is wearing a pastel rainbow coloured taliored jacket and a light pink jersey.

During October 2023, ADHD Awareness Month, I was invited to speak about ADHD and women at a large financial institution in London yesterday. 

I shared my ADHD journey with them and I shared that I became an ADHD coach to help prevent people from going through the experiences that I went through.

My experience, my struggles, the crushing lack of self esteem caused by my struggles and the myth that I had outgrown my ADHD has caused me so much guilt and shame over my lifetime and I really would like to prevent that from happening to other women.

There were some very good questions raised prior to the talk and I want to talk about some of those questions. 

  • What age were you assessed and what brought you to that need for an assessment – and whether the official diagnosis has helped you.  Also curious if you’ve thought about how you might have dealt with not being formally assessed as having ADHD yet still feeling you were “different”.

I was diagnosed at age 7. This was because I was hyperactive and couldn’t sit still and my teacher couldn’t cope with me in the classroom.  The school suggested to my parents that they take me for an assessment.  I have combined ADHD which is less common in women.  That initial diagnosis (in the 70s in South Africa) didn’t actually help me.  Well, the Ritalin did help me, it helped me to focus and get my work done, mostly.  However; no one – not me, not my parents, not my teacher – was told how my symptoms would impact me and what the implications of my diagnosis were.  I was also told I would outgrow my ADHD in my teens so as an adult I  believed that ADHD was something I had outgrown. I also doubted that I had ADHD in the first place as no one told me what it meant for me. 

I felt different all my life.  I internalised all my struggles as being my fault.  I was just not good at the things that other people found easy.  I struggled for years to keep my head above water and to make it look like I was coping. 

I worked very hard to mask my ADHD traits (my personality flaws as I saw them), I copied other people’s social mannerisms in order to fit in socially. I hid all the parts of me that I felt were unacceptable to other people.  Fortunately I married a man who accepted all those parts of me as being me so that afforded me the relief to just be me at home.

Then I discovered my children had ADHD and I find out that I had not outgrown my ADHD.  I found out that all of my struggles were actually ADHD symptoms.  My work appraisals telling me that I talk too much, yes I have ADHD – it’s not a character flaw, it’s something I can’t help. 

What made the difference to me wasn’t so much my diagnosis, it was understanding what that diagnosis meant for me. 

So I would argue that the most valuable aspect of diagnosis lies in learning and understanding what the diagnosis means for you. 

Image is of Leslie in pastel rainbow tailored suit outside an office in London UK
  • As a man with ADHD, how best can I support my daughter with her ADHD given I find it hard to empathise and relate to others?

I think realising that your daughter’s ADHD is going to be noticeably affected by her hormones and her cycle is quite important.  There’s been some research in this area that seems to indicate that in the first 14 days of the menstrual cycle, as oestrogen levels increase, ADHD medications appear to be more effective and ADHD symptoms seem to decrease and become more manageable. Conversely in the luteal phase of the cycle, as oestrogen levels decrease and progesterone increases, ADHD medications appear to be less effective and ADHD symptoms appear more pronounced and less manageable.  Empathy is difficult for men with ADHD but it can be developed, it is something one can learn even when it doesn’t come naturally and it’s something that an ADHD coach can assist you with. 

  • What if you have never been diagnosed but suspect that you have ADHD as you present with many of the symptoms.  Is it worth getting diagnosed later on in your career?  What benefits will it bring?

The answer to this is – it depends.  What are you looking for out of a diagnosis? 

If you’re wanting validation and recognition that there is reason for some of the things that you do and the struggles that you experience, a diagnosis could be invaluable. 

If you are wanting medication to help with some of the more difficult aspects of ADHD then a diagnosis is imperative. 

Image is of Leslie's hands writing in a notebook

If you’re planning to ask for adjustments or accommodations at work, then a diagnosis could be helpful although your employer should consider your request without a diagnosis.  However, the reality is that a lot of employers will not consider putting any accommodations or adjustments in place for someone without medical “evidence”. 

So, it depends on what you are hoping to get out of the diagnostic process. 

I personally feel that self diagnosis is as valuable as a medical diagnosis but not everyone sees it that way and particularly in working life, it can be very difficult to get the right kind of support without a diagnosis. 

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A cause close to my heart

Image with the neurodiversity symbol and rainbow splashes of colour on a grey background.  Text states I am supporting the #AccessDeniedND campaign.  An access denied sticker is eblazoned across the naurodiversity symbol. Umderneath is the York Disability Rights Forum logo.
Text below states Assessment is a right not a luxury

Please have a look at @yorkdrf and join their challenge against the York ICB’s action.

Neurodivergent individuals are already marginalised and disadvantaged in society, we don’t need to be denied access to assessment and diagnosis in addition to everything else we face.

If you’re not sure why we need assessment and diagnosis, consider this:

Despite the Equality Act 2010 stating that diagnosis is not required to access reasonable adjustments: the reality is that most schools, universities and employers require medical evidence (aka diagnosis) in order to provide reasonable adjustments. The government themselves require medical evidence for Personal Independence Payment assessments and payments.

If we are denied access to assessment and diagnosis, we will also be denied access to reasonable adjustments across so many different settings Many people with ADHD are unable to work full time and therefore need access to Personal Independence Payments. PiP is already very difficult to get, it will be impossible without assessment and diagnois..

Another huge impact to consider is that ADHD is quite receptive to ADHD medication. Those medications can be life saving for some ADHD individuals.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ACCESS ADHD MEDICATION WITHOUT DIAGNOSIS.

The implications of this action by York ICB is that vulnerable individuals could die. That’s the bottom line. Some people will end up dying if they are denied access to assessment and diagnosis. That’s not an exaggeration on my part, it’s a fact. A study by Cambridge University published in 2022 found that 15% of those who were hospitalised for attempted suicide had a diagnosis of autism. They also investigated 372 cases where people had died of suicide Of those cases, 10% were determined to very likely be people with undiagnosed autism.

This action by the York ICB is reckless and dangerous.

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