I am a certified ADHD and relationship coach with a BA (Hons) degree in Psychology. I also have ADHD and I am the proud parent of two amazing neurodivergent children. I have been married for more than 30 years.
I understand how daunting and challenging ADHD can be. You may be struggling with understanding your diagnosis or the diagnosis of a loved one.
Diagnosis is usually only the first step on a very long and winding path with ADHD and although your diagnosis might have been a real AHA moment, it may also have left you with more questions than answers.
My journey with ADHD
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 years old and was medicated with Ritalin (Methylphenidate) until I was in my teens. I suffered terribly with migraines as a child and a teenager and, in an attempt to mitigate those, stopped taking my ADHD meds. My doctor, at that time, also believed that Ritalin was no longer effective after puberty and that only children have ADHD. He believed that I would grow out of my ADHD and therefore he discontinued by ADHD medication when I was a teenager. I only discovered that this was in fact, erroneous information when I was an adult and my eldest child was struggling with their ADHD symptoms.
I spent my entire adult life, and my childhood unaware that all the things that I struggle with are related to my ADHD. I have a terrible temper, I find it very difficult to hear the word “No”, I lose things, I talk incessantly, I fidget all the time (including when I am asleep) I am either always late or early but never on time. I write many, many lists and then I lose them. I am clumsy and I walk into things and fall over. I put these and many more, my inability to be organised, to stick to a routine, my tendency to live in chaos, my “to read” list that is almost 1300 books long, my course list which is over 150 courses ( yes, I am signed up to 150 courses) – I put all of this down to some failure on my part to be a “proper” human being. I thought this was all just me, quirky and weird and unable to function like “normal” people because I was just not good at it. As a child I didn’t fit in, I was lonely and alone for large chunks of my childhood and adolescence. Learning to mask the most socially unattractive aspects of my symptoms has been a lifelong task and there are still people with whom I just don’t fit.
Some years ago, I discovered that my eldest child was struggling with ADHD symptoms and believed themselves to have ADHD. When I told them that their struggles were perfectly normal and these were all things that I struggled with too, they informed me that this was because I very likely have ADHD myself! This conversation was the start of a journey of discovery together with both of my children. I discovered that most people do not “grow out of” ADHD. That being neurodivergent is how your brain is wired from birth. I also discovered that low birth weight and prematurity probably predisposed me to having ADHD.
I have since learnt that all the things that I have struggled with and been overwhelmed by and internalised as myself just being ineffectual and useless, those things have names and they’re all related to having ADHD. ADHD isn’t just not being able to sit still and talking a lot. It’s so much more than that.
I learnt that there were things that I could do about my ADHD and I learned that getting a diagnosis for ADHD for kids on the NHS is a long long process. 4 years later my youngest child is still not diagnosed, she is still being assessed. She will probably have left school by the time we get a diagnosis.
I learnt that there are so many women who are either undiagnosed or who are diagnosed but have no help offered outside of being medicated. Don’t get me wrong, medication has it’s place It’s extremely helpful for some aspects of ADHD but it doesn’t solve all our issues, by no means. I learnt that people often struggle to hold on to jobs and relationships due to ADHD and I learnt that there is a real need for more than just medicating people.
ADHD coaching is a very effective means of learning to deal with the challenges and demands placed on us by ADHD.
